be your own runner

This summer a group of teachers at my school and some friends have met on Wednesday mornings at a track to do speed work. (drills, sprints, hill drills, intervals, etc.) Each of us took a week to plan and that made things fun and interesting because it was always different and you never knew what to expect. Well this morning was our last official summer speed work and we had guest coaches. When Amy told me we were having guest coaches I was excited, then when I realized who they would be, I starting shaking in my boots. I texted my friend Alli telling her this and that I was scared. (She's a friend of Paige's, one of the guest coaches) Her response? "You should be." Oh great.

The two guest coaches, Paige and Kristin (I mentioned Kristin in another post about resolutions after reading her blog.), are parents at our school. They are amazing runners, and have a long list of marathons, half marathons, and even ultras under their belts. They are for real runners, where I still feel like a....beginner? faker? Not sure yet. I'm always the slowest of our pack which I don't mind because they have all been running way longer than me, but it's different when new people come in to coach us. I feel like over the summer we have bonded as runners, and we all know each others strengths and weaknesses and help each other push through. With our guest coaches I all of a sudden started feeling like my effort wouldn't be good enough, that I would be letting them down or something.

Well, we did our usual warm up, including the usual drills but with the real names. Larry calls all the drills we do something different so it was funny to hear Paige say we're doing...whatever and none of us knew what she was talking about because of Larry. After that we learned of our fate for the morning, doing the ladder, I think is what she called it. We ran a 200, 400, 600, then an 800, and went back down from there to the 200. In between each one we had a 1-2 minute rest. But, like I said before, I didn't want to look stupid in front of them so I pushed myself way to hard in the beginning. Not only that, but because I'm naturally slower than the rest of the group, I had less rest time in between because I finished after them even with me going more all out that I should have. My head started feeling a little fuzzy after the 800 even with me slowing down some. Because of this I didn't finish the second 400. I hated that. 

At the end of the workout I was drenched, with legs like jello. I was really appreciative of them for taking time out of their morning to coach us, and for Paige for cheering me on. I was also disappointed in myself. But then on the ride back I started thinking and realized I needed to stop. Stop comparing myself to other runners, stop worrying about what other people think of me and my speed, stop worrying that I will let others down when I know I'm putting in everything that I can. As long as I know I'm pushing myself, and I'm working my butt off (literally) that is enough. My effort is enough no matter what it looks like compared to other runners. Sometimes at a hard part in my run I'll say to myself, "Run strong, be courageous." Maybe I need to add in, "Be your own runner."