3m half marathon done!

This morning I ran my second half marathon! I woke up at 3 am (my alarm was set for close to 5, so I was annoyed). I woke up so early because my stomach was bothering me. Most of you know all about my stomach and the annoying things it does to me. Most of you probably don't know that when I get nervous (like I was this morning) I start having stomach issues. It was pretty bad this morning. I'm not sure why I was so nervous today since I had done a half before, but I was. After taking my medicine, and trying to eat a bagel dad drove me up to the start of the race and then headed back home to get mom. The weather at the start was amazing! No wind, 35 degrees, and no humidity. Thank you weather gods!

The first few miles weren't too bad. I was trying to get into my groove, ignore my stomach, and not go too fast out of the starting line. I actually didn't sprint at the beginning which is unlike me at races, but good since I was running so far. I ran the farthest I've ever done without stopping to walk from mile 2-6. 4 miles! Another milestone among many in my life as a runner. Around mile 6 I started walking at the water stop so I could drink and take some sport beans. The second I started walking my right knee had a shooting pain in it. Awesome. I started running again hoping to lose the pain and it took me about a mile to get the pain away. It was pretty rough, I almost started crying while I limped/ran. 

At mile 8 mom and dad were there (in full length coats, I guess it was colder than I had thought). I slowed down so dad could take some pictures, threw my gloves at my mom and kept on going. 

Something I love at races, especially these long ones, are the awesome people that come out to support us. Every few miles there were people playing music and instruments to entertain us. The best was 2 different guys miles apart playing acordians, 2 old mariachi men, and a guy that kept jumping on his bike and riding further down the course every few miles.

Every time from mile 6 on, when I stopped to get water and walk, my knee would kill me. I was averaging a 10:30-11:00 mile pace until about mile 8 where I was slowing down from fatigue, and from my knee. Even with that I never had a mile slower than 12 minutes. 

At mile 12 I was starting to lose it. That's when "One Tribe" came on. I was throwing my fists around and singing out loud. The people around me probably thought I was nuts. And THEN this came on...

When it started I literally stopped for a few beats, and when it really got going I started having a dance party all by myself in the street. It also including some dance running, dance skipping, and lots of hand gestures. The best part about it? There was a photographer right there and I'm pretty sure he got pictures of it. At least I'm hoping he did! If so I will make sure to post them here whenever the pictures come out.

As the end got closer I sped up. I was nearly sprinting (or sprinting as much as my tired legs could handle) to the finish line. Mom and dad were even able to get a spot on the sides and take pictures of me running in. 

I love this one because it looks like I'm flying.

I finished in 2:28:42! WHAT?! That is crazy! That is 15:12 faster than my half last February! Holy cow! I still can't believe I was 15 minutes faster. I placed 338 in my age group, and 3927 overall. When I was taking my finishers picture I saw Larry, Kim and Brandon (all way faster than me) and we took some pictures. 

After finding my parents we went to breakfast at Maudie's like we always do, and then I went home and took an ice bath for my poor knees. As I'm posting this I'm still sore and walk like an old lady. But it was totally worth it! I ran another half, beat my time, and had a dance party in the middle of the street. Who could ask for more? Let's just hope my body is ready for the Color Run, a 5k, this Saturday!

esme's killer

News broke last night that the man who killed Esme killed himself a week after her death. His roommate found him dead a week later, on January 12th. I'm mad he took the easy way out and killed himself rather than face what he did. But I can take solace in the fact that he had to spend a week hearing all about her, how amazing she was, and all the people she touched while she was with us.

He is also now being linked to the attacks that happened to women running on the trail near Congress, and on Congress street. I remember Brandon telling us during one of our Wednesday runs this summer about those attacks, and told me and the other girls that we shouldn't be running by ourselves on the trail, especially not on Congress. Of course I made sure I was careful when I ran and never ran in a place where I was isolated, but I didn't stop running on my own. It's scary to think this guy was the same guy that killed Esme. I am curious to find out more about this guy. I don't think we will ever know why he did what he did. But hopefully her family can have some peace now that he is dead.

5 more days...

In 5 days I will be running my second half marathon. I started running almost 2 years ago, and am so proud of myself for not only keeping up with it, but pushing myself to run another half marathon! It all started when I decided I needed to challenge myself and try something new, so I had set a goal to run a half marathon. I accomplished that goal last year, and it was an amazing experience! Afterwards I started thinking about what other kind of races I might want to run, not thinking I would actually run one that long again. Well I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, and I have been training since this summer. (Well, that's not entirely true. This summer was the worst. I thought I was going to die every time I ran even at 6 am because it was so freaking hot.)

In 5 days I will run my second half, and am aiming to beat my time. Based on my long runs the past few months, I am capable of running a 10:30-11:00 minute mile. Possibly even faster depending on how crazy I get at the start line. Now that I'm so close I am having a hard time not freaking out. I'm not freaking out that I won't finish, because I know I will. I'm not freaking out that I won't beat my time, because as long as I finish I don't really care. (Although let's be honest, I will be pissed if I don't run faster.) I am freaking out about my feet, and legs, and every little thing I'm feeling. My toe that I sprained awhile ago feels like it's possibly waiting quietly before springing back up and being annoying. My right knee is officially hating me and crackles all the time and is sore after my long runs. The side of my calf has a weird pain when I run that fades and then comes back without warning. I'm at the crazy obsessive phase where I am wearing tennis shoes to school for the rest of the week just so I don't make my feet extra sore. (I don't think I was this crazy before my first half. So why am I deciding now is the time to become crazy?)

Ugh. I need to drop everything at the starting line Sunday morning and just run. Run to accomplish a goal. Run to remind myself I can do anything no matter what my brain tells me. Run to remember lost friends. Run to feel alive. I will drop all of my worries, my craziness, my sadness, my anger, and I will run with joy. 5 more days. 

run to the sun

Last year I ran in the Run to the Sun which is an overnight relay. A group of teachers from my school were on a team, and it was an amazing experience! We are running it again this year, and I am so excited! If you can help donate to this fantastic cause, please do so. Any amount is appreciated and will help the Batten Disease Foundation eradicate this disease. 

Click here to donate.

Thanks, and happy running!

im officially 28...i feel old

Monday I officially turned 28. I know it's not old, but it sure feels old. I think it feels so old because I am rapidly getting closer to 30. Oh man. It will happen before I know it. Anyways. I spent Sunday night with a group of friends at The Highball in their Rapper's Delight (karaoke) room. We sang the night away! It was a blast! I sounded pretty crazy the next morning because of all of my singing.

Larry and Sara were pretty amazing singing Summer Lovin from Grease. Larry sang Sandy's part, and Sara Danny's part. (It reminded me of when Rebecca made me sing Danny's part EVERY TIME we were on a road trip. No matter how much I begged, I never got to be Sandy.) They were pretty fabulous. I recorded it, but it didn't come out well. I may still have to post it later just so you can hear the amazingly high notes Larry was reaching.

The next night, my actual birthday, we went to Sheri's for The Bachelor. I have to say, I have the most awesome for real friends* ever! Not only did Sheri email me before that night checking ingredients and making sure I could eat what she was making, but Sarah even made me brownies! AND she got candles and everyone sang me happy birthday! I have some pretty awesome friends who take care of me and my insane food issues. What more could a girl ask for? I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me. This birthday weekend has me thinking it might be pretty great.

Oh. Except for the fact that my class totally forgot about my birthday! It was pretty hilarious when over the announcements they said happy birthday to me. If there was a record playing it would have totally scratched to a stop at that point as each one of my students turned their head to me with a look of confusion and surprise. I couldn't help but laugh.

*Two summers ago I decided I needed to make new friends, so my goal for the summer was to become "for real friends" with Sarah. The next summer I expanded my friend search to the other awesomely cool girls at my school, and thus formed our "for real friends" talking club, and friendship.

for esme

Sunday was the memorial for Esme here in Austin. It was a perfect tribute to her, and her life. Many of her good friends spoke and told beautiful stories about her. Esme also volunteered at the Girls Rock Camp here in Austin. They finished the memorial by all getting up on stage, at least 30 girls and women playing, singing, dancing, celebrating Esme and life, and performed She's a Rainbow. I think everyone, myself included, were crying for our loss, for what Esme's death has shown us, and just thinking about how in love Esme would have been with this performance. All for her. It was the perfect way to say goodbye.

"You are full of unlimited possibilities!" Esme

talking club is back

The Bachelor is back, which means the Talking Club is officially back! This week everyone came over to my place and I set up a pizza and salad bar for everyone. I made my dad's awesome pizza sauce and bought a bunch of individual sized pizza crusts. I also bought a bunch of salad stuff and made these insane peanut butter chocolate chip cookies that I found on Pinterest. 

There was more pizza stuff than that, but that's all that could fit on that counter. And yes, Sheri even brought a can of anchovies for anyone brave enough to join her. Sick. I did not. Last week was at Alli's and we invited Larry along since it was the day after we found out about Esme and we just wanted to all be together. Because of that I couldn't leave him out for this weeks. Plus we all bet on who we thought we would win, and since Larry is in the pool I would have felt bad not inviting him. 

Everyone was thrilled I took their picture.

So far Sara and I are in trouble. The girl we liked is fading into the background, so I'm afraid we are going to be out next week. Sarah told me to just pick the craziest girl for her and unlucky for her, she actually got kicked off that night. Below is our pool. I figured I had to put it online so the girls, and Larry, could see and so I can't cheat and change things.

Me: Britney

Sara: Britney

Sarah: Jenna

Katie: Lindzi

Alli: Kacie B.

Larry: Jamie

Allison: Kacie B.

Barry: Nicki

Heather: Rachel

Sheri: Samantha

Chloe: Blakely

I can't wait for this Mondays! It looks like it will be an insane episode, AND my birthday! Woo Hoo!

fear and madness

Over the past week, I haven't really been too scared. My friends on the other hand, not so much. One friend is getting a gun, another has had her mom in town all week staying with her, and another stayed with our friend all week and when her husband leaves today she will be at someone else's house. Now we all know I jump at everything, and during a scary movie I'm terrified. But those things pass pretty quickly for me. After reading, hearing, talking all about Esme and what happened to her, I have made sure I'm staying smart and cautious. I don't mind walking back to my car alone in the dark, or sleep with the window open if it's nice outside, and I have always LOVED living alone. Living alone has never been a scary thing for me. But, things have changed since Esme was killed. 

On Friday some friends and I went for a drink and towards the end of the night we started talking about Esme, what happened, being safe, and how scared everyone is. For some reason on my way home I started getting terrified. I hated that feeling. Walking into my dark apartment was awful. My heart was beating out of my chest I was so scared. I kept the door open (not totally safe in itself because someone could run right through, but if someone was inside I could run out super easily) and started going room to room turning on every light I could and looking under, and in things. When I got to my bathroom I kicked my shower curtain (I always close it after a shower), and when no one made a sound I karate kicked it open. After that I knew my apartment was safe and I closed and locked the door. From there I got out my pepper spray in my nightstand, dusted it off, and put it on my key ring. Who knows if it even still works, my parents got it for me when I first went to UT. 

Until that night, I had a pretty rational mind. I know that as long as I'm safe and cautious, I should be ok. I also know even with being safe anything could happen at anytime, anywhere. But Friday night my mind lost its sanity. Being this scared is no way to live. As I write this I'm feeling better, not as fearful. But who's to say this fearfulness won't happen again?

I've always read true crime books, loving the science, psychology, and detective work behind these stories. It is crazy to think I now actually know someone that this has happened to. I've been trying to think back to all of the books and cases I've read about. Hoping there would be some answer, or ray of light that would help. The latest reports are that this man has possibly attacked many other women over the past year or two. Of course this hasn't been stated as fact from the police, but based on sketches there is a possible link.

All I can do at this point is be smart about what I do. Don't walk to my car alone at night anymore. Have a friend walk me to the door if I'm feeling uneasy. (Derrick walked me to my apartment Friday night and did a "room search" like he does for the flight attendants when they land for the night. He's a pilot in case that was a confusing sentence. And no, they aren't staying in the same room, he just checks that they're safe before he goes to his own room.) I will keep my pepper spray on my keys, and by my bed when I'm sleeping. Lynn, our school counselor, is also setting up a self defense class for us after school sometime soon. Although lets be honest. If I ever were to get attacked there is no way I will actually remember any of that crap.

I'm mad at this guy for taking a friend. I'm mad at him for taking someone so young, and so awesomely cool. I'm mad at him for scaring my friends. I'm mad at him for making me feel unsafe in my own apartment. I'm just mad.

for esme

I have been waiting a few days for this post. Mostly because I didn't know what to say. Early New Years morning after coming home from a New Years Eve party, a coworker of mine was killed in her home. I didn't know her well, but I knew her well enough to know that she was an awesome, always upbeat, fun person. Something I have learned since Monday is that she was really big in the music scene. There is a benefit for her next Friday and apparently a lot of awesome bands are playing. (I'm not cool enough to know those bands, but Esme was.) There is also one already in the works in Brooklyn, New York! I said I didn't know her well. But who knew?

It's scary that it was a random act of violence, and scarier that he is still out there. 3 girls were attacked within hours of each other on her street, the other 2 girls were lucky enough that they weren't killed like Esme. Living alone has never been very scary for me. After this, I will be making sure my doors are always locked, and I have pepper spray near my bed. Some of the girls at school are staying with friends for the rest of the week, another's mom came in to stay with her. It is a scary time right now for girls living alone. It makes me think twice about walking around outside in the dark, something I don't mind doing.

Today was our first day back, luckily it was only us teachers. It was a hard morning talking about her, sharing stories, and discussing what we do now. How do we tell the kids? Tomorrow will be a scary day with the kids. But like Amy said this morning, we need to think about how Esme would handle it. She would walk in with a huge smile on her face, and love on her kids all day long, and make them feel safe. So that's what I'm going to do.

Above is something a coworker's brother created. We wore stickers today with this image. It has already spread to so many non-school people across Facebook. You will be missed Esme.

resolutions

Last year instead of making resolutions I thought about things I wanted to leave behind in 2010, and things I wanted to run towards in 2011. Overall I think I did pretty well keeping to them. This year I am going to keep those resolutions in my mind, and add a few things I want to do over the year.

1. Read at least one book a month, even during the school year. (Way harder than you would think.)
2. Catch up on my scrapbooks. This one will take awhile, I don't think I've done anything in them since I was 21...I think I need to move to digital.
3. Run a race in another state-I don't care the distance. Even better, run a race in a city I have never been to before with one of my running buddies. Abby? Amy? You ready?
4. Keep putting myself out there. No matter how hard it is.

What are you changing? Leaving behind? Working on?