true story

I had patio dismissal duty last week when one of my students from last year came up to show me the water bottle she brought to school. 

Kid: What's Margaritaville?

Me: Ask your mom. 

Kid: Is it bad? I just saw it in the cabinet and grabbed it. 

I then, dying laughing, proceeded to text her parents this picture. 

new year

So I'm the worst. It's been forever since I posted. But to be fair, nothing has happened because I broke my foot 10 weeks ago like an dummy and couldn't do anything for awhile. However, that's about to change since it's a new school year and I have new ridiculous kids to quote. 

Last week I was walking around putting the kids backpack numbers on their name name tags. 

Kid: why are you putting hashtag 16 on my thing?

And then today a different kid said: what is this tic tac toe looking thing on my paper?

Me (laughing): that's a number sign. You need to put your number after it. 

Kid (unsure): ok. 

uh oh

Kid: how's your boyfriend?

Me: He's not my boyfriend, but he's good. I told him you've been calling me Queen Ewing, and that you brought me flowers the other day. He said he might have to come up and talk to you about that. 

Kid: (after he stopped laughing he got really serious.) Does he know I'm spending the night with you tomorrow at the lock in? He might get mad. 

confusion

Kid: I don't understand pinstagram. 

Me: That's not what it's called. 

Kid: I guess that's why I don't know how to pin stuff. 

drinkers

We are studying plants right now and we did a science experiment where we put celery with one freshly cut end into vases with different colors using food coloring in order to see what would happen. I called each table group over one at a time to check it out and when I showed one group the bottoms of the red celery, this is what happened. 

Kid: It looks like blood!

Kid 2: Like a Bloody Mary!

Kid 3: No it doesn't, it looks like red wine.

Me: Wait, what? How do you know what a Bloody Mary is?

Kid 2: My mom likes them. 

getting older

Kid: (looking in an old yearbook) You look pretty much the same except you're getting a lot older. 

Me: How do you know I'm getting older?

Kid: (after looking back and forth at me and the yearbook) Well this mole has moved to over here. And you have those wrinkles there. 

m.i.a.

I know, I know. You've been dying to hear all about Halloween, Christmas and my birthday, but you'll have to wait. I'm continuing my laziness when I'm not working or doing stuff for my masters class. Until then, enjoy these two quotes from this week. 

Kid Walking to Spanish: I've been waiting my entire life to learn how to say fart in Spanish. I hope today is the day!

It's almost the 100th day of school and we always write about what we will be like as 100 year olds, and then make a portrait of what we will look like. Beforehand, we discuss what we know about old people. 

Kid 1: I know they always smell good. 

Kid 2: yeah, like cough drops and pills. 

Me: What? What do pills smell like?

Kid 2: I don't know, but that's just what my grandma smells like!

reaching perfection

Kid: All I need is for someone to sew my mouth shut and then I'll be perfect.

Me: Why would that make you perfect?

Kid: You know me Ms. Ewing. You know I talk too much.

i get it, i'm still single

I dropped my kids off at Spanish on Friday and ran in to some kids in my class 2 years ago:

Kid 1: Are you married yet?

Me: Nope.

Kid 2: Still? Man. You weren't married when we were in second grade and you still aren't married?!

Me: Nope. Sorry ladies, I don't know what to tell you.

Kid 2: Remember when I told you that you should marry my gerbil because it's cute and fuzzy? He's still available if you want to marry him! You probably should....I can't believe you aren't married yet!

Me: (walking away) Thanks for making me feel better about my life!

Kid 1: Anytime Ms. Ewing!

The very next day a girl from my class last year came up at recess and told me she was telling the lacrosse coach that came to help out with PE the past few days that he should date me. Her exact words were, "I told him he should be your boyfriend! I said you were pretty and he's a boy so he should ask you out!" 

Good lord. These kids are going to kill me. Maybe I should take up the first girls offer to marry her gerbil.

groceries

In the forest the first week of school, I was working on my grocery list.

Kid: What are you doing?

Me: I need to go to the grocery store this weekend so I'm working on my grocery list.

Kid: Woah.

Me: What?

Kid: That's a lot of food you're going to buy. I guess you haven't gone to the store all summer.

all white girls look alike

When we were in the forest earlier this year this conversation happened:

Kid: You and Ms. Moran look alike!

Me: Really? I mean, we're both girls...and have blonde hair.

Kid: Yeah. But you also both have really big noses.

At this point the girl she was with started giggling and they both ran off. Thanks kid.

authentic vs. african

Remember this awesome kid? She was one of my favorite, and always had something redonk to say. Well luckily she says hi to me at recess whenever we're out there at the same time. I was wearing a Willie Nelson shirt when this conversation happened:

Kid: I have that shirt too!

Me: Yeah, well mines more authentic. 

Kid: What does that mean? Like it's African? Is that what you did this summer? They have those shirts in Africa?

kid quotes are back!

I've been meaning to update with the ridiculous things my kids have been saying this year....but I just haven't had the time! I'm back in school getting my masters and librarian certification which has taken any free time I have away. (Conferences, report cards, and other regular work stuff hasn't helped this problem.) Any free time I do have has been spent trying to have a life. 

ANYWAYS, I will be updating over the next few days some things that have already been said. But let's start with a sweet one. 

Today at recess a boy from last year came up to me:

Kid: I have a question for you Ms. Ewing.

Me: What's up?

Kid: Why are you so beautiful today? (huge smile)

Me: (laughing) What?

Kid: You're so beautiful today!

At this point he gave me a hug and ran off. Apparently I am too beautiful to be at school. I'll take it! (It's better than what another kid said earlier this year. You'll probably enjoy that quote better.)

thanks for the reminder

I was wearing a dress to school last week when this conversation happened with an old student of mine:

Kid: Why are you so fancy?

Kid 2: Are you going on a date tonight? Ooh la la!

Me: How am I fancy? It's just a dress.

Kid 2: So you aren't going on a date?

Me: Nope. Sorry.

Kid: Oh. You need to get back out there Ms. Ewing! You need to date some boys!

kid writing

One of my kids have really picked up her game in the writing department. Below is a poem she wrote based on a William Carlos Williams poem we love: (click on the pictures to see the whole thing)

The second is the beginning of her caterpillar life cycle diary:

I called her mom the day she wrote both so I could read them. Her response? While laughing,  "Oh no...no, no. no, no. Can you email me those? Her dad has to read them."

tacky

Kid: Ms. Ewing, did you brush your teeth this morning? Your breath stinks. 

Me: Are you sure it isn't your breath you're smelling?

After smelling his breath he laughed. Not sure if that meant he thought he was right or wrong. I think it's time for summer.

a lesson on turducken

We were writing a how to on catching turkeys. This conversation followed when I asked if there were any questions.

Kid: Can I draw a turducken in the last one? You know, showing what I did after I caught it?

Me: Sure.

Kid: Even with the kitten in there?

Me: Wait, what?

Kid: The kitten.

Me: Why would you draw a kitten?

Kid: Because that's one of the things in there.

Me: What? I'm so confused. What do you think a turducken is?

Kid: A turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a kitten.

Me: Why do you think a kitten would be stuffed in there?

Kid: Because of the -en at the end. Like kitt-en. Right?

Me: Um...no. Not right. Why would anyone want to eat a kitten?

Kid: I don't know.

Me: Maybe let's not draw what you think a turducken looks like.

I hope everyone had a great, kittenless, Thanksgiving!

ugh. welcome to monday.

Only teachers have these types of conversations:

Kid: Ms. Ewing, XXX just threw up.

Me: He threw up? XXX are you ok?

Kid 2: He made himself throw up. He was doing that forced burping thing again.

Me: Well...maybe you shouldn't keep burping like that anymore.

XXX: Should I go to the nurse?

Me: No you're ok. Just stop forcing your burps like that.

cats on the mayflower

Me: Why do you think every ship would have a cat on it?

Kid: Maybe so they could shave it and use the fur to keep them warm?

Me: Wait, what? One cat could do all that?

Kid: Yeah, why not?

personal life

We are working on making connections while we read and I was making one to the book we were reading and said I brought something from home when I went to college so I wouldn't feel so homesick.

Kid 1: Where are you know?

Me: What do you mean?

Kid 1: Where do you live?

Kid 2: Don't give out personal information Ms. Ewing!

Thanks for looking out for me kid!